Snags

So this is a post I didn't even contemplate writing.  I guess I thought once I decided to go for this, it would be a slow but steady process.  What I was not expecting was to get an email thanking me for my time, but that I didn't fit with their agency.  Apparently my views on early termination are so extreme (they really aren't) that it would take years to find me a match.  Thanks, but no thanks, they said.  I read the email and just felt shock.  Then outrage.  What kind of agency are they running that none of their clients believe in avoidance of early termination?  I was hurt by the rejection, and considered forgetting this whole process.

Then I decided to apply to another agency that had been a close second when considering where to apply.  And guess what?  They denied me too.  So at this point, I've spent an enormous amount of time filling out applications (they aren't quick) and received two slammed doors in my face.  Out of either desperation or frustration, I rushed through the application of a third agency that had been on the back burner.  Even quicker rejection!  So, this seemed like a sign for sure. And it still may be.  But.

A friend of mine who is also a hopeful surrogate told me about her agency.  A small one that has a more lenient view on termination and finding matches.  So, here I went again.  I emailed the owner and got the application, along with medical & record release forms, and a fee schedule.  I decided I'd fill out the application first.  Then waited for denial.

It didn't come.  In fact, she said everything looked good, and to get her the rest of the forms!  I wish I could say I felt relieved, but I'm still worried about what they'll say when they look at my medical records.  I don't know what they say, so I don't know if my midwife wrote that I was stark raving mad or who knows what.  So I'm still waiting for the email of rejection.  And if it comes, I think I'm done trying to find an agency.  It will be clear they won't accept me.  But I'm not giving up hope until that rejection comes.

So hopefully in the next 3 weeks I'll have an update. I pray for a happy update.  I want this to work out, so so much.  I pray for it daily.  So now I wait and see if what I'm praying for is what God has planned for me.