Moving on to IPs

Whoops!  I didn't come back to update!  So a brief recap.  Last I left you with was I had my appointment with the midwife.  Well, the day came and I headed to the office. I was more nervous than I've ever been!  In fact, when they took my blood pressure, it was 130/80!!  Okay, that doesn't sound horrible.  But my normal BP is 100/60.  So I was even more freaked thinking there's no way I'll be approved now!  Well, my midwife came in and we chatted about surrogacy.  About the risks of pregnancy, about her concerns with me postpartum, but she took the words out of my mouth when she said, "So do you think it was actually PPD or more like, 'wow I'm now responsible for this little person and I have no idea what I'm doing!' kind of overwhelmness?"  (Okay she didn't say overwhelmness, haha but you get the idea).  So yeah, that's exactly what it was.  So then she brought up Clomid and the risks, and if I'd been in my right mind I would have pointed out that I won't need that since we aren't using my eggs.  Shew!  So after a good long talk, she filled out the approval form!!!

So next step, J sent my profile to a potential couple, and they liked what they saw.  I looked at their profile, and they are exactly the type of people I was hoping to help.  To complete their family.  But I won't say much about them, for now, because we're still in the feeling-each other out stage.  In fact, we're going to schedule a phone call this week!!  EEK!  I am NO good on the phone, so I hope I don't say crazy stupid things!  I need a script.  lol  Hmm, maybe I should start writing one out.  :)

So that's all for now.  I know this is rushed, but it's late and my bed needs me.  Until the next update!

Still in limbo, but getting closer...

So I wanted to give an update, even though its not a mind-blowing one.  I’m still kind of in limbo, but I’m closer than before.  

So my medical records finally made it to the agency in late June.  I got an email from J the owner, and she said we should schedule a call.  So I made it for July 2^nd.  I was so nervous!!  I went down to the cafeteria for my lunch break and right on the dot, my phone started ringing.  I answered and sure enough, it was J.  So the first thing that came up was something I thought could be an issue.  After having Olivia, I went through a stage of not knowing what the hell to do and it freaked me out.  we struggled with breastfeeding (for two months), she cried for hours every evening, didn't sleep at night (okay does any newborn?), and I didn't feel like I had a maternal instinct.  I was put on zoloft and felt instantly better.  Seriously, it was miraculous.  Or it could have been the return to work (and a normal routine) that fixed me, which was around the same time.   Whatever the case, I was off it after about a month.

 But anyway, back to surrogacy.  It was recorded as PPD in my medical record, which always sends a red flag (hello, forever stigma).   But luckily I won't have to keep any babies with surrogacy, so there won't be any change to my schedule after delivery.  I can blissfully go back to my own chaos.  So after that was settled, we went over the process and talked more about the agency, and ended the call.  I felt relieved, but knew the waiting wasn’t over.  

Next step?  I only need approval from my midwife, and I go see her on Monday.  So less than a week.  I’m worried.  Why?  I don’t know, because that’s what I do.  I’m worried the second she walks in, she’s going to say “you can’t handle surrogacy, so I can’t approve you.”  No idea why she’d say that, considering immediately after Cassia came out, she said “You’re ready for a 9 pounder next!”  But I tend to focus on worst case scenarios, which would be her saying no way.  So I’ve been staying busy to try not to think about it.  I just signed up to be a Jamberry consultant!  Haha, totally outside my comfort zone but I love their wraps so why not.  It’s a challenge and gets my mind off negative thinking.

So I will be coming on here immediately after the appointment to update! Okay in all reality, I’ll try to post sometime next week.  At some point, this has to get less nerve wracking, right??  I feel like the kid waiting to be picked for the kickball team.  I was usually the last one picked...